


Love At Twilight

by malfoyishpotter



Category: Sekai-ichi Hatsukoi
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-04
Updated: 2014-12-04
Packaged: 2018-02-28 04:29:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2718800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malfoyishpotter/pseuds/malfoyishpotter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Perhaps Onodera Ritsu really needs to develop some balls to accept, admit and confess his feelings for Takano-San. Will he be able to change his personality from being shy to love to courageously expressing his love for Takano-San like before? How and why? Many (touching) surprises await for you in this story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My very first Sekai fic, and I would that I would be up to your expectations! It was previously posted around a year ago in fanfiction.net and received many positive feedbacks so I thought I did post it here too for a wider audience. :)
> 
> Hope you'll drown and melt in the love from the fic ^-^
> 
> Enjoy your stay here :)

One thing that Onodera Ritsu didn't have is the  _balls_  to admit his love for Takano-San. Why? It will be better to question Onodera himself. Perhaps he was just shy by nature and was afraid to be hurt again, like how it was 10 years ago (despite the fact that it was a misunderstanding all along). While Onodera didn't admit his love for Takano, he was unable to accept the love from others, anyone else to be exact. Obviously, Onodera was dense enough to not realise that  _99%_  of his heart was already taken up by Takano. There was no way, absolutely no way, of giving the  _1%_  leftover to another, because he needed that petty little 1% to love himself. Nonetheless, we could always cling onto the faith that Onodera will change one day, soon, to admit his love for Takano and make up for the last 10 years that had been lost.

"Nani, why is Takano-san banging on his wall so violently now? It's almost 3am!" Onodera was disturbed by the sudden sounds coming from his neighbour's house that could not be deflected away by the thin walls that were separating their homes,  _or rather, separating them._

He rubbed his eyes and looked around, finding the clock's hour hand was pointing at 3. He thought that Takano-san was just venting his frustrations while editing the boring manuscripts. Onodera always knew that Takano-San was really hardworking and it was not surprising that he would still be working at the present time, way past sleeping hours.

What Onodera didn't quite get it right was that firstly, Takano was not as hardworking as he appeared to be. So, at 3 am, he was definitely not working on the manuscripts. Secondly, Takano-san was drunk. It was rare because he had a really good tolerance for alcohol since he had been drinking himself to sleep almost every night after Onodera left him. So, why was he drunk?

xxx

"Urgh. Why can't he stop for awhile, take a break, instead of just endlessly venting his frustrations on the poor wall?" Onodera could not take it any longer. 

Takano was disturbing his sweet dreaming hours  _(because he would often dream of them being  together)_ , _literally pure sleeping hours,_  Onodera quickly corrected himself mentally.

He got off his bed and put on a jacket before opening the door and walked towards Takano's door 2 steps away. A gentle knock before he realised that Takano's door was not even locked. Onodera was irritated.  _Extremely irritated_ ** _._**

"WHAT THE HELL TAKANO-SAN. YOU ALWAYS CLAIM THAT I CANNOT TAKE CARE OF MYSELF AND YOU CAN'T EVEN LOCK THE DOOR PROPERLY? AIN'T YOU AWARE THAT STRANGERS CAN COME IN. WHAT IF THEY'RE EVIL? THEY MIGHT KILL YOU AND THEN  _WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH MY LIFE ALONE WITHOUT YOU_?"

Onodera stopped abruptly on the spot after intruding Takano's house pushing open the door violently and rushing in. He was already inside but what he said had unconsciously slipped out of his mouth. He didn't want to mean it that way.  _Obviously not when Takano-san is around._ The older man will definitely tease him endlessly. With two hands covering his own mouth, Onodera heard a soft distant whimper.

"Ritsu... I love you..."

Onodera tried to focus in the direction where the sound is coming from. Pretty strange because Takano-san would normally pounce onto him and was always loud. The room was dimly lit with the only light coming from the laptop screen.

"I was right. That idiot is still working on the manuscripts at this hour, doesn't he have any common sense that it is time to sleep now?!" Onodera mumbled to himself, "but where is Takano-san?"

He looked at the walls beside the table with the laptop and realised that it had kind of a faint shade of red (Takano's house wall is painted purple because that was Onodera's favourite colour back in high-school).

"BAKA WHERE ARE YOU? CAN'T YOU SEE THAT THE WALL IS BRUIS-"  _Wait... that didn't sound right... the wall was bruised and that was because of the faint shade of red... but the wall is a non living thing_  (A/N: you got it right Ritsu, it took you  _long enough_ however)!  _Doesn't that mean..._ Sudden realisation dawned upon Onodera. It meant that Takano was bleeding of course! He was the living thing hitting the wall.

Onodera caught sight of Takano at the corner of his eye, lying beside the table, weak and vulnerable _,_  with his back against the wall. He went closer before he smelt alcohol.

"DAMN, this man had been drinking again. What exactly is he thinking?" Onodera thought as he walked before and knelt down beside his Takano-san.

Takano felt a warm familiar presence getting closer and closer to him. Since he was reasonablely drunk, he told himself to just assume it was his  _dearest_ Ritsu.

"Ritsu... please don't leave me. Not again. Why can't you just accept my love? Or return my love? Why are you torturing me everyday? With you right before me, at work, at home, yet we can't share the joy and happiness with each other like how normal couples do?" Takano whispered with the last breath he had before his heavy eye lids dropped shut and he fell into a deep slumber, leaving Onodera alone in the dark.

"What the?..." mumbled Onodera after hearing Takano's drunk confessions.

xxx

Onodera was dumbfounded after hearing Takano's unexpected drunk confession. However, it was not like he had never heard it before. Takano-san would always be mumbling sweet things to him that made him deeply annoyed due to his embarrassment. He had always hoped that the older man will be a little less straight forward. He had however, always secretly enjoyed hearing those sweet things escaping from Takano's  _oh-so-kissable and sexy_  mouth.

"WHAT AM I THINKING!" Onodera snapped himself back to reality as a sigh escaped his own self-felt-not-so-kissable mouth. 

He always wondered what Takano saw in him exactly that made him so in love with him, even after 10 years.

Onodera got up from Takano's side as he intended to close the laptop before helping Takano back into bed for a good night's sleep. Just as he was about to switch off the laptop, a folder named  **"For Ritsu"** caught his eyes. His hand froze as he contemplated between invading Takano-San's privacy and giving in to his own curiosity. Eventually, he concluded since Takano loved him so much, he would definitely forgive Onodera's action. Moreover, the folder itself was dedicated to him.

"What exactly can it be inside?" Onodera thought as he approached it using the mouse with his shaky hands. He had a bad feeling about opening this folder. Nonetheless, his curiosity had overpowered him as he double clicked the folder.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *For Ritsu* Folder Details:
> 
> Date Created: 10 years ago, the day when Onodera suddenly disappeared.
> 
> Content: Takano's everyday diary for the first few years before the enteries began to diminish in number, from once in a month to sometimes once in a few months.
> 
> This chapter will consist of Ritsu scrolling through Takano's diary entries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The rest of this chapter will be Takano's diary entries, not every one of it of course, since he had written so much. But the entries follow the order of the date created. 
> 
> Pardon any errors that Takano made in the entries because most of them were typed while he was drunk or feeling devastated and couldn't care more or less.
> 
> Hoepfully you'll be touched by them!  
> I certainly was when I was writing them.

**ENTRY 1:**  
Dear Ritsu,  
Where exactly are you? Why did you stop contacting me? Why do I not see you in school? Do you not love me anymore? Please contact me... I once told myself to not fall in love with anyone as I grew up in the environment where my parents no longer loved each other, so I knew that love is painful, it will hurt. But yet, when you came along, I couldn't refrain myself from falling in love, and to fall only deeper in love. When I did finally convince myself to love, to be loved, you disappeared. I am unable to find you anywhere, you had just vanished without a trace... How could you do this to do? You were the one confessing your love courageously, and now you had lost all the courage? The courage to even face me? Please come back, will you?

 **ENTRY 97:**  
Finally did I chance upon someone who happened to know you. After 3 months of searching for you endlessly, I had a little bit more clue. You went overseas. And had a fiancée even. Even when we were dating, if you even considered it as dating and not toying around with my feelings. How could you do this to me? Were you guilty of two timing me and that was why you ran away, escaping overseas, feeling ashamed of your love for me as you realized that you did not love me, not at all. I was all rage, after hearing the news. Went to the bar and took a few drinks, drunk myself and was carried home by Yokozawa. Without him, I would probably not be alive by now. Do you know how hard it was for me to handle your disappearance? And how it was even harder for me to hear such truth? And where exactly are you, doing what? Probably enjoying yourself away with your fiancée, happy and carefree. Onodera, I really don't know to hate you or to love you. When I finally calmed myself down to enter this entry, I can't help but to feel helpless, on one hand I want to kill you, on the other hand, I want to cry. How can you torture me like this? Why can you torture me like this? Who exactly are you to do this to me? Honestly, I don't even know if I'll be able to forgive you if I ever even see you again.

 **ENTRY 786:**  
Got myself drunk again yesterday and slept with Yokozawa unknowingly. Woke up feeling sick and guilty. No matter how much I tried to forget you, it seems impossible. Unknowingly, you've taken up too large a space in my heart for anyone else to enter. I know he has feelings for me but somehow I just am unable to accept him. I wonder if you'll ever read this but if you do, I really hope that you can forgive me for my mistakes (or betrayal) because I really don't mean to betray you, Onodera. Remember I said that I would never forgive you? I am wrong. Terribly wrong. Because I realised that I can't even bring myself to hate you, or to be angry with you. Even if you have a fiancée, I don't care. All I need is for you to be by my sight. As long as you appear before me, I'll not be angry with anything, not even your disappearance or your two-timing. All I need is you. And I really wonder how can I relay this message to you, or what can I do to make you come back. In the past, I don't believe those childish sayings of wishing upon a star, wishing at 11:11 or wishing to birthday candles. But ever since you left, I lost count of how many times I have actually wished upon all those things that I did not believe in the past. Will you make at least one of my dreams come true?

11:11, I love you, so please come back to my side Ritsu.

 **ENTRY 1368:**  
I am still counting, even till today, how many years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds have you left me. Today, it's exactly 9 years = 108 months = 467 weeks = 3285 days = 78840 hours = 4730400 minutes = 283824000 seconds. Exactly how long more do I have to wait, or do you want me to wait before any one of my wish will come true, before you'll return to my side again. Ritsu, every single day, I count, counting exactly how long you've left me alone, all alone to face every shit in my life. I always wonder how are you doing, whether if you did fall sick, where are you, what time is it over there, who is by your side, and most importantly, who are you loving right now? Every time when I thought of these things, do you know how frustrated I'll get? Of course you don't know how afraid I am to know that I am no longer the most important person in your heart, the person you love. Anxiety overtakes me completely and there's nothing I can do but to wait, pray, get drunk and try to forget you as well. Probably you've forgotten me already, haven't you? I really want to give up on you. But I've no idea why I never once succeeded. Even after so long, you're still irreplaceable in my heart. I only wish you to return as soon as possible. I'll still be waiting, even if it takes a lifetime, I'll always be waiting for you, Ritsu. I love you.

 **ENTRY 2034:  
** Finally, after 10 years, 10 years, 10 years, you've finally appeared before me. Do you know how much mixed emotions I was having the instance I saw you? I bet you don't, because you appear to have forgotten me completely. Else, why did you not recognize me right from the first instance? I am hurt, angry, irritated, yet happy, overjoyed, excited at the same time. So angry at you for only turning up now, and even forgetting me while turning up, yet so happy that my wish did came true, and so excited to be working with you in the future. For now, I'll just be contented looking at you from afar, watching you work until the day you've realised that who am I. Thank you, thank you so much for returning to my side. Even if it is not as lover. At least I can have some contact with you, and will be able to face you day to day. Even after 10 years, you never fail to make my heart pound so heavily against my chest, and never fail to bring a smile to my face. Thank you, I love you.

 **ENTRY 2378:  
** My whole mind is too preoccupied with you that I could no longer concentrate on my work. Have been struggling to meet the deadlines though I know I always appear to have completed my work on time with ease. Everyday I face you at work. Awkward. With you avoiding me with every step I took to be closer to you. How can you misunderstand my awkward laughter as mocking you, not being serious with you? If only you knew how serious I was with you in the past, would you still have left me back then? I bet you would still leave for that fiancée of yours. I can't believe it. After 10 years plus, you're still going strong with her, forgetting about me totally. That face of shock when you discovered who was I was your face of disgust, isn't it? All I felt was my heart breaking into pieces when you said you no longer love me and you no longer want to have any connections with me apart from purely being boss and subordinate. Onodera, have you really changed that much since 10 years ago? I guess I am stubborn even to not accept the change, to pretend that you were like 10 years before, to pretend that we were like 1o years ago. The one who didn't change is me. After 10 years, I am still being a fool. Getting fooled by your half-hearted feelings, or rather, no feelings at all. And yet, I am unable to move on, no matter how hard I try. I appear to be strong, yes, but do you know, I really want to have someone to share my burden with me, to have a shoulder to lie on when I'm tired, to have someone give me a rewarding kiss for my day of hard work, to have someone to comfort me when I'm feeling down, to have someone to share the warmth of a bed, a body with me. Am I even asking too much from you? God, please stop fooling around with me. Bringing someone I miss and love so dearly back to my side yet I can't enjoy his body warmth, his sweet talks and still have to suffer the pain of seeing him everyday to remind myself of being a failure. Sometimes, I really hope to simply end my life. No idea why did I even wait for 10 years to end my life, but all I know is that perhaps I shouldn't wait any longer.

 **ENTRY 2777:  
** Onodera Ritsu, I really wonder if I did anything too evil to you in the previous life. Why do you have to torture me like this… I can't help myself anymore. Yes, I can feel that you are denying your feelings for me, but I am not sure how much feelings are you denying. Yes, we had sex several times by now, yet I feel like I'm merely forcing myself on you every time, hurting you and feeling guilty every time after it. I really want to communicate with you properly, but every time I seemed to only have made things worst. I really cannot get across my feelings to you. Do you know how painful it is to see you everyday… You don't reject me, but you don't love me too. Probably love me with only 10% of your feelings. I don't want such half-hearted feelings. I can't help but to feel insecure. Insecure that your fiancée will win over you any time, and I would lose you again like before. I don't want to go through that again… If only you could read all of what I wrote and digest them and know how painful, heart wreaking and torturing it is for me to go through everything for the past 10 years. It is not that I blame you for all this. It is entirely my fault, my fault for being unable to give up on you, for being unable to forget you if at all, for not being able to control myself and making you uncomfortable… I think I should break away from you… I should let you leave your own life; I should leave the publishing company. If we were even dating, Ritsu, let's brea-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The 2777th entry stopped unfinished because Takano was actually drunk when typing it and he fell off his chair… The 2777th entry was the also the latest entry that was keyed in the same night when all these happened. Hope you've enjoyed the story thus far. Thank you for your patience and time in reading this story. :)


	3. Chapter 3

By the time Onodera finished reading the 2777 entries of Takano's life in the past 10 years ever since he left him, it was almost 5 am. Onodera was unable to move, nor to see anything because his eyes were covered with his tears. He knew Takano-San loved him, but he never knew how much he loved him. He knew that Takano had put in a lot of effort for anything related to him, but he never knew how much effort he had put in exactly. Onodera finally knew that Takano's love and effort for himself was beyond what any normal person could imagine. Instantly, he looked at Takano-San who was still lying against the wall. He meant to help Takano-San to bed and felt guilty for leaving him sleeping against the cold wall while he selfishly read the entries. Onodera slowly lifted his shaky hands to wipe away his tears as he got up and returned to Takano's side.

"Baka, you know you don't have to love me this much. I don't deserve it, not at all." Onodera whispered as he put Takano's left arm across his own shoulder and slowly lifted him off the floor, moving him slowly into his bedroom and then putting him down onto the bed. "What a heavy man when he's drunk…"

Onodera Ritsu sat by the bed side, looking at Takano as he slept.

 _Such long eyelashes, why did I not realize it before?_ His cheeks had a faint shade of red, probably from drinking and he was breathing peacefully, slow and steady. Onodera couldn't help but to move his hand towards Takano's head and started to caress his forehead and hair gently. He also started to reflect about his life, what had he been doing in this past 10 years when Takano had never once given up waiting for him, nor given up loving him. He realised how cruel he was to treat Takano-San each time he showed some care and concern. True enough, he did not want to admit his feelings because he felt utterly embarrassed and thus always push Takano-San away. However, he never realised how hurt Takano-San was and how much he was suffering because of Onodera's behaviours. It was impossible to say that Onodera had no feelings for Takano at all because he couldn't help but to feel jealous every time he saw or heard the name "Yokozawa" as well as the owner of this glorious name.

 _How can I be so selfish, so cruel… oh god..._ Onodera got up from Takano's bed and walked out into the living room, closing the bedroom's door gently behind him.

xxx

The first ray of sunlight met Takano's eyes as he opened it. It was a brand new day, he guessed. From his vague memory, he remembered himself getting drunk, barely making himself home. But that was all his memory had limited him to remember. He touched his head as he felt a slight headache, which was a usual symptom of hangover. He moved himself out of bed and unlocked the bedroom's door gently before him.

The first thing that greeted him was Onodera Ritsu sitting on the sofa, deeply engrossed in a manga, the newest BL novel by the Great Lord Usami Akihiko (under a different pen name of course)  **"Junjo Romantica"**. Onodera heard the bedroom door unlocked and looked up to greet Takano's confused yet surprised face.

"Morning Takano-San. I've prepared breakfast for you at the dining table. I hope that you like it,"  _Onodera appears to be unexceptionally gentle and patient today_ , Takano frowned as he walked towards the dining table.

"I never knew you know how to cook."

"I learnt it in the past when I was studying abroad."

"Why? Because you have to cook for yourself," with a slight hesitation, "or for your fiancée?"

Onodera froze at the question following the pause. He did not expect that to come certainly. He knew how much his so-called fiancée bothered Takano-San and had made him felt uneasy. No matter how Onodera had explained to Takano-San that he certainly had no feelings at all for her and rejected her again and again, Takano-San did not seem to believe him.

"Didn't I already say that she is not my fiancée? And will never be. And I did not learn to cook just to feed myself…" Onodera was already before Takano's side by then and he looked up into Takano's eyes,  _deep and sexy eyes_ , "I only learnt to cook because in the past, I used…used to dream of living together with you, and in my dream, I only want you to taste the food I made personally for the one I cared the most."

Takano was taken aback by the unexpected confession and had a face of shock. But not long later, it changed into a face of hurt. He turned away, back facing Onodera while calling his name, "Onodera, you mean  _used to_?"

Onodera could tell from Takano's breaking voice that he was hurt once again by his obviously unwise choice of words. Onodera was feeling angry with himself. He felt like a fool. No matter how much he tried to communicate with Takano, he was also unable to express himself and always result only in Takano misunderstanding what he said. He began to feel impatient because he told himself that from today onwards, he would love Takano-San fearlessly, he had to return Takano's feelings and efforts, but more importantly, he did not want to lie to himself again and deny his own feelings, nor did he want to continue hurting Takano with his half-hearted feelings.

"Takano-San, that is not what I meant. I cook this meal today for you because I hope that from today onwards, I can cook meals for you everyday. I know you may not believe me, but I want to tell you I love you. I really don't want to see your hurt expression anymore. I want to stay by your side, I want to make you wear a smile on your face everyday. I want to do all that I can to make up for the past 10 years that we had missed." Onodera blurted out all his feelings in a breath and was panting heavily, with his cheeks covered in a dark shade of red from his embarrassment. It was probably the first time in the past 10 years that he had faced his own feelings so courageously. He felt relieved that Takano could finally understand how he was feeling all these times.

"Nani… Is this a joke or something? DO YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY TO TOY AROUND WITH MY FEELINGS? Can you pinch me to make sure it is not a dream? Even if I am in reality now, how long would your feelings last can you tell me? So that I can prepare myself mentally for another big and long disappearance, just like in the past, a 10 year disappearance also after one sudden big confession. Onodera, if you're unsure of your feelings, I am not forcing you with me here. Look, I don't want you to only say all those because you suddenly feel guilty or what. I can live perfectly without you."

Onodera was caught off-guard by Takano's sudden outrage after he had mastered up so much courage to confess. However, he did not blame Takano. He knew it was his own fault. Till today did he finally realize how much false hope he had given Takano in the past, how much did he make Takano feel insecureand nonetheless, how much did he hurt Takano to the point that he was unable to believe Onodera's confessions anymore.

"No… Takano, I am not joking with you. Can't you believe me this one time?" Onodera pleaded.  _No, I do not want to lose Takano anymore. I want to spend the rest of my life with this person, to be his guardian angel._

"Look, Onodera, it's not that I don't want to believe you. I can't believe you. I'm sorry. I always knew that no actions will follow after what you said. I don't want to raise up my hopes again to fell hard back down and be hurt painfully."

For an instant, Onodera felt helpless. He knew he was unable to convince Takano. Irritated, he acted upon irrationality (which of course he deeply regretted it later).

Takano felt himself getting grabbed on the arms and was turned around. Before he could respond, he felt a warm pair of lips locked to his. He opened his eyes wide and struggled to push himself away as he fought against his desires to swallow his beloved whole. However, he could feel that Onodera was serious today, at this instant, because he was certainly firmly grabbing onto Takano, and was trying to force his tongue into Takano's mouth. Overwhelmed by pleasure and lust, Takano slowly opened his mouth and welcomed Onodera's tongue with his own. They sucked on each others' tongues, passionately kissing away, leaving everything in the world behind, living only in their own world at that every instant. It had been so long since they shared such a good kiss, with both parties equally willing, passionate and with each kiss filling with not only  _lust and desires but love._ They completely had forgotten both the facts that it was still bright daylight and that both of them had to turn in to the office today.

"Are you sure you want to do this? I don't want to force you," Takano held his lover's face with both of his face and asked, appearing to be concerned about Onodera but actually was filled with lust that Onodera will be doing his first ever blowjob to him.

"Shuddup," Onodera kissed him hungrily before quickly shifting himself further down the sofa.

He looked at Takano's hard erection and was immediately turned on more than he already was. He could no longer wait. He knew that he would be able to do it. He had to do it. He wanted to make up to Takano, to do something for him and not be the one receiving the love all the time. Slowly, he met the tip with his hot wet tongue, melting Takano on the spot immediately. Despite being prepared mentally, Takano couldn't help but flinched immediately when Onodera's mouth was in contact with his hard-on. With a hand at Takano's balls as the base, Onodera slowly consumed more and more of Takano as he moved further in. Pleasure overwhelmed both of them. Onodera never knew doing a blowjob would bring him such pleasure as he had always felt the pleasure from being sucked on. Takano too didn't know that being sucked on could bring such pleasure. He moaned louder and louder as Onodera increased his sucking speed, while fondling with his balls at the same time.

"Ah.. Ah…., Ritsu… Ah…" Takano's  _loud, deep and sexy_ moans reached Onodera's ears. He felt extremely pleasured to hear the moans. Now he was finally able to understand how Takano felt when he was giving him a blowjob in the past. It was  _too sexy_  and it spurred him on to go even faster, and further.

The instant when he consumed all of Takano's was when Takano climaxed.

"AHHHH," a loud moan followed his release into Onodera's mouth and Onodera swallowed it without second thought. He removed himself from Takano and moved his mouth toward Takano's lips, which was engulfed entirely before he could even finish saying an  _"I love you"_  to Onodera.

Takano could no longer wait. He flipped Onodera around so that he was lying beneath him.

"I'm going in, baby," a soft murmured was heard before Onodera could only feel heat and pain around his rim.

Takano thrusted into Onodera with a loud moan to be followed only with a warm, touching sentence that almost brought Takano to tears.

It was a sentence that he had been waiting for  _10 years_  to hear it,  _again_.

"I love you, Masamune."


	4. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> goodness my babies, thank you for reading this far.  
> i hope that it was not disappointment to you thus fur and also for this final chapter.  
> let's all hope a happy closure to these two precious alright ~

"When will I ever get over and done with these mangas?" Takano was feeling particularly irritated on a warm Sunday afternoon, typing furiously on his laptop keyboard.

It was pretty obvious why he was feeling particularly irritated. His beloved hubby was out, away, in another city, on a business trip, today, when he was supposed to be at home, eating a romantic candle light dinner and then dancing with Takano afterwards to celebrate their 7th wedding anniversary. It was no wonder that Takano was particularly pissed.

He never found out the reason why Onodera suddenly changed in terms of his attitude towards him. However, from that day onwards, he never left his side, moving into the same house and getting married shortly after. Onodera said that they had wasted 10 years and he did not want to waste any more of his life. He was determined to spend the rest of his life with the only one he had ever loved. And it was Takano. Honestly, Takano was pretty curious for the change but he was afraid to ask, for fear that Onodera would sudden return back to before that faithful day, his cold and careless treatment towards Takano.

Takano loved how his hubby Onodera was treating him everyday. Serving breakfast at 8am, strolling hand in hand to the train station and to work in the morning, waiting for him to leave the office together to go for dinner or take another stroll hand in hand back home. Onodera had also become more pro-active in his actions to show his love for Takano. Even more dominating sometimes. While Takano was afraid that Onodera would dominate over him one day and he'd be the  _uke,_  he was actually glad for Onodera's change. He had to admit that he liked it pretty much, for he had enjoyed and benefitted from it pretty much too.

Takano had failed to realize that he was smiling all the time when he recalled and thought about Onodera. It was no wonder people would say distance makes love grow fonder. Such distance they were apart from each other right now only made them missed each other more, cherished each other more, and loved each other more.

Taking a break from his work, Takano remembered he once used to enter diaries in his laptop to vent his feelings/anger/frustrations when coming across Ritsu. In the past 7 years, he did not enter a single entry because Onodera was occupying his every single day, without frustrations or anger, only filled with love, warmth and care. It was something he was hoping for all along and he had finally been able to experience it all. He was glad. And felt that the 10 years wait was worth. Thus, Takano decided to enter one last entry to tell his diary that he would be sealing it off forever,  _because from then on, his everyday will only be filled with nothing else but happiness and love._

Clicking onto the  **"For Ritsu"**  folder, Takano was surprised to find every entry had been edited and the latest edited date was the exactly the day when Onodera became brave enough to confess his feelings towards Takano. Curious, Takano clicked on the entries.

**A/N: Sorry, it'll be a repetition here to avoid you the trouble of referring back and forth between the entries and the comments that Ritsu actually left behind on every entry that night after leaving Takano's bedroom.**

**ENTRY 1:**  
Dear Ritsu,   
Where exactly are you? Why did you stop contacting me? Why do I not see you in school? Do you not love me anymore? Please contact me... I once told myself to not fall in love with anyone as I grew up in the environment where my parents no longer loved each other, so I knew that love is painful, it will hurt. But yet, when you came along, I couldn't refrain myself from falling in love, and to fall only deeper in love. When I did finally convince myself to love, to be loved, you disappeared. I am unable to find you anywhere, you had just vanished without a trace... How could you do this to do? You were the one confessing your love courageously, and now you had lost all the courage? The courage to even face me? Please come back, will you?

**[I am so sorry Takano-san. I had completely misunderstood you. Please forgive me for being so timid and afraid of facing the truth, that you might not love me anymore. I really did love you wholeheartedly in the past and I hope that you do not doubt that. Sorry for making you worried, sorry for breaking your heart. I will never do such a thing again in future. I'll stay by your side as much as I can for the rest of my life. I only hope that I will not become a burden or unpleasant existence in your life…]**

**ENTRY 97:**  
Finally did I chance upon someone who happened to know you. After 3 months of searching for you endlessly, I had a little bit more clue. You went overseas. And had a fiancée even. Even when we were dating, if you even considered it as dating and not toying around with my feelings. How could you do this to me? Were you guilty of two timing me and that was why you ran away, escaping overseas, feeling ashamed of your love for me as you realized that you did not love me, not at all. I was all rage, after hearing the news. Went to the bar and took a few drinks, drunk myself and was carried home by Yokozawa. Without him, I would probably not be alive by now. Do you know how hard it was for me to handle your disappearance? And how it was even harder for me to hear such truth? And where exactly are you, doing what? Probably enjoying yourself away with your fiancée, happy and carefree. Onodera, I really don't know to hate you or to love you. When I finally calmed myself down to enter this entry, I can't help but to feel helpless, on one hand I want to kill you, on the other hand, I want to cry. How can you torture me like this? Why can you torture me like this? Who exactly are you to do this to me? Honestly, I don't even know if I'll be able to forgive you if I ever even see you again.

**[Please forgive me. I did not mean to hide anything from you but as you know, she was arranged by our parents and we did not even know about it before I left to study abroad. Do not doubt my feelings for you. I did not toy with you. I really really love you, Takano-san. I do not want to be unforgiven for the rest of my life because I'll be living in regret. I'm sorry for being extremely inconsiderate, not caring about how you actually felt and leaving without a word. But you know what; life isn't easy for me too. For you had already taken 99% of my heart back then, and still do now. Life was unbearable without a chance to meet you, or to communicate with you. But I was too ashamed of my actions to come back, to face you, and to seek your forgiveness.]**

**ENTRY 786:**  
Got myself drunk again yesterday and slept with Yokozawa unknowingly. Woke up feeling sick and guilty. No matter how much I tried to forget you, it seems impossible. Unknowingly, you've taken up too large a space in my heart for anyone else to enter. I know he has feelings for me but somehow I just am unable to accept him. I wonder if you'll ever read this but if you do, I really hope that you can forgive me for my mistakes (or betrayal) because I really don't mean to betray you, Onodera. Remember I said that I would never forgive you? I am wrong. Terribly wrong. Because I realised that I can't even bring myself to hate you, or to be angry with you. Even if you have a fiancée, I don't care. All I need is for you to be by my sight. As long as you appear before me, I'll not be angry with anything, not even your disappearance or your two-timing. All I need is you. And I really wonder how can I relay this message to you, or what can I do to make you come back. In the past, I don't believe those childish sayings of wishing upon a star, wishing at 11:11 or wishing to birthday candles. But ever since you left, I lost count of how many times I have actually wished upon all those things that I did not believe in the past. Will you make at least one of my dreams come true?

11:11, I love you, so please come back to my side Ritsu. 

**[I know I've no rights to say anything, but my heart broke at this entry. I really did not want to admit it but I couldn't help feeling extremely annoyed and jealous of Yokozawa-san. I know it was my fault, it was not your fault at all. I am so sorry Takano-san. It's been equally hard for me too, to live each day trying to forget you. And you know what, such childish things were what I wished everyday in the past too. I wished for an important place in your heart and memory, I wished for your forgiveness too. Thank you for forgiving me.]**

**ENTRY 1368:**  
I am still counting, even till today, how many years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds have you left me. Today, it's exactly 9 years = 108 months = 467 weeks = 3285 days = 78840 hours = 4730400 minutes = 283824000 seconds. Exactly how long more do I have to wait, or do you want me to wait before any one of my wish will come true, before you'll return to my side again. Ritsu, every single day, I count, counting exactly how long you've left me alone, all alone to face every shit in my life. I always wonder how are you doing, whether if you did fall sick, where are you, what time is it over there, who is by your side, and most importantly, who are you loving right now? Every time when I thought of these things, do you know how frustrated I'll get? Of course you don't know how afraid I am to know that I am no longer the most important person in your heart, the person you love. Anxiety overtakes me completely and there's nothing I can do but to wait, pray, get drunk and try to forget you as well. Probably you've forgotten me already, haven't you? I really want to give up on you. But I've no idea why I never once succeeded. Even after so long, you're still irreplaceable in my heart. I only wish you to return as soon as possible. I'll still be waiting, even if it takes a lifetime, I'll always be waiting for you, Ritsu. I love you

**[I am so sorry. Thank you for waiting for me. I am so glad that you did not give up, or else we would not have gotten to where we were today. Thank you so much. Even though I was not worth your wait, but you waited, with faith that I'll return. Takano-san, I am really glad to have fallen in love with you, even gladder that you've fallen in love with me, even even gladder that you did not give up and continued waiting despite tough times, and most glad that we can spend the rest of our lives together.]**

**ENTRY 2378:**  
My whole mind is too preoccupied with you that I could no longer concentrate on my work. Have been struggling to meet the deadlines though I know I always appear to have completed my work on time with ease. Everyday I face you at work. Awkward. With you avoiding me with every step I took to be closer to you. How can you misunderstand my awkward laughter as mocking you, not being serious with you? If only you knew how serious I was with you in the past, would you still have left me back then? I bet you would still leave for that fiancée of yours. I can't believe it. After 10 years plus, you're still going strong with her, forgetting about me totally. That face of shock when you discovered who was I was your face of disgust, isn't it? All I felt was my heart breaking into pieces when you said you no longer love me and you no longer want to have any connections with me apart from purely being boss and subordinate. Onodera, have you really changed that much since 10 years ago? I guess I am stubborn even to not accept the change, to pretend that you were like 10 years before, to pretend that we were like 1o years ago. The one who didn't change is me. After 10 years, I am still being a fool. Getting fooled by your half-hearted feelings, or rather, no feelings at all. And yet, I am unable to move on, no matter how hard I try. I appear to be strong, yes, but do you know, I really want to have someone to share my burden with me, to have a shoulder to lie on when I'm tired, to have someone give me a rewarding kiss for my day of hard work, to have someone to comfort me when I'm feeling down, to have someone to share the warmth of a bed, a body with me. Am I even asking too much from you? God, please stop fooling around with me. Bringing someone I miss and love so dearly back to my side yet I can't enjoy his body warmth, his sweet talks and still have to suffer the pain of seeing him everyday to remind myself of being a failure. Sometimes, I really hope to simply end my life. No idea why did I even wait for 10 years to end my life, but all I know is that perhaps I shouldn't wait any longer.

**[Exactly how many sorry have I said to you so far? I wish that you can feel my most sincere apologies for my childish mistake back in the past, back in 10 years ago. I did not forget you. But I did not recognize you as well because you changed your last name and your looks was different from 10 years ago as well. If only you knew how you lived inside my heart every single day for the past 10 years. I was never able to date anyone because I was unable to put you behind. You're the most important person to me. Thank you for not committing suicide. You're not a failure. You're the one who love me the most and you need to stay alive to love me. Please don't take my words to heart as I said them out of embarrassment. My truest feelings are that I love you, Takano. I love you, Masamune. I love you, I love you, I love you… I love you^n.]**

**ENTRY 2777:**  
Onodera Ritsu, I really wonder if I did anything too evil to you in the previous life. Why do you have to torture me like this… I can't help myself anymore. Yes, I can feel that you are denying your feelings for me, but I am not sure how much feelings are you denying. Yes, we had sex several times by now, yet I feel like I'm merely forcing myself on you every time, hurting you and feeling guilty every time after it. I really want to communicate with you properly, but every time I seemed to only have made things worst. I really cannot get across my feelings to you. Do you know how painful it is to see you everyday… You don't reject me, but you don't love me too. Probably love me with only 10% of your feelings. I don't want such half-hearted feelings. I can't help but to feel insecure. Insecure that your fiancée will win over you any time, and I would lose you again like before. I don't want to go through that again… If only you could read all of what I wrote and digest them and know how painful, heart wreaking and torturing it is for me to go through everything for the past 10 years. It is not that I blame you for all this. It is entirely my fault, my fault for being unable to give up on you, for being unable to forget you if at all, for not being able to control myself and making you uncomfortable… I think I should break away from you… I should let you leave your own life; I should leave the publishing company. If we were even dating, Ritsu, let's brea

**[Please do not ever say that you want to break up with me. My heart tore at the instant when I read the every last sentence of this entry. It was also when I realised how much I actually love you, so much that it was unbearable to hear the words "break up". Please promise me that we would stay together forever. I love you, I'll prove it. I'll cherish you more than before. I'll do my best to love you even more than you love me. You don't know how happy I felt every time when you whispered the sweet things into my ears during sex. You were not forcing yourself onto me, don't worry. I am very willing. I love you.]**

**A/N: Entry 2778 was keyed in by Onodera not long ago before he left for the business trip.**

**ENTRY 2778:  
** Dear diary, I am living very happily with my husband, Masamune Takano, right now. Thank you for the past 10 years for tolerating with his nonsense. I'll reward you handsomely by allowing you to retire early. Like now. You're my saviour. Without you, I would have missed Takano for the rest of my life, and you wouldn't know how regretful I'll feel for the rest of my life. He is the only person that can make my heart skip a beat, engulf me in every body warmth of his, and kiss me till my jaw drops. I love him to the moon and back. And I promise you that this love will never stop. Just like our happiness will never end. We'll be spending a lifetime together.

**[Takano's comment: Baby, I love you. I am so glad that I met you. I am even gladder to never stop waiting for you. Even even gladder to never give up on you. But most glad to have fallen in love with you.]**

xxx

The rest was history. A history that was sealed forever, no longer important because the future was much more meaningful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you you amazing human being for reading until the very end.  
> definitely wish that it hadn't been a disappointment of any sort to you and that you got the ending you wished for. 
> 
> eternally grateful to you for reading because all a writer needs, is for some to read his/her work ;)
> 
> xoxo


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